Alright, let’s talk about something that has frustrated almost every guy at some point—getting past a woman’s defenses.
I have a story for you. Imagine being in a classy bar in Lagos or Nairobi. The vibe is right, the drinks are chilled, and everyone’s looking their best. Now, picture a guy walking up to a stunning woman, attempting to strike a conversation. But before he can get two sentences in, BOOM—she shuts him down with a look that says, “I’m not interested; don’t waste your time.”
That’s exactly what I witnessed a few days ago, and it inspired this post.
Before we go on, Want to learn more about how to master the art of attraction? Grab my eBook, “The Advanced Bang Rule,” and discover the strategies that will change your game forever.
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Let’s get into the article –
The Setup: When Women “Wall Up”
Here’s what happened:
This guy, let’s call him Tunde, walks into the bar, all charged up to meet someone. He spots a beautiful lady at the bar and decides to go for it. But as soon as he starts talking, you could see her defenses go up—like she’d just activated some invisible force field.
The more Tunde tried, the colder she got. Eventually, she took her drink, grabbed her friend, and left. Tunde came back to where I was standing, visibly deflated.
He looked at me and said, “Women are just impossible. Meeting them is all about luck.”
Is it really about luck, though? Nope. And that’s what I told him.
What Causes Women’s Defenses to Go Up?
Here’s the thing, my guy: Women have defenses for a reason. Beautiful women, especially, get approached by men constantly. If they entertained every guy that came their way, they’d never have peace. So, they’ve developed a kind of “filter” to protect their time and energy.
But here’s the catch—you play a huge role in whether that defense gets activated or not.
Let me explain.
How Men Trigger Women’s Defenses
Most guys don’t even realize that they’re the ones triggering the very thing they’re trying to avoid. Here’s how it usually happens:
- Approval-Seeking Behavior
This is a big one. The moment a woman senses that you’re trying too hard to impress her, her defenses go up. Whether it’s through your words, body language, or tone, seeking her approval screams, “I need you to like me!”And trust me, no woman finds that attractive. - Coming On Too Strong
When you approach a woman and immediately start showering her with compliments or trying to buy her attention, it feels like an ambush. Women want to feel like they’re meeting someone interesting—not someone desperate. - Failing to Build Comfort
If you skip the “getting-to-know-you” stage and go straight into flirting or trying to get her number, she’ll put her guard up. Women need to feel comfortable before they let their walls down.
How to Avoid Triggering Defenses
The best way to get past a woman’s defenses? Don’t trigger them in the first place.
Here’s how:
1. Stop Seeking Approval
When you approach a woman, don’t act like her validation is the prize you’re chasing. Instead, focus on having a good time and being yourself. Let her see that you’re confident and don’t need her to like you for you to feel good about yourself.
Example:
Instead of saying, “You’re so beautiful, I just had to come talk to you,” try something playful like, “You looked like you were having the most serious conversation ever. I had to come find out if you were plotting world domination or something.”
2. Be Indifferent to the Outcome
Women can sense when you’re nervous or overly invested in the interaction. Practice being indifferent. If she’s interested, great. If not, no wahala—there are other fish in the sea.
Example:
If she says, “I have a boyfriend,” respond with, “That’s cool. I was just looking for someone to recommend a good drink anyway.”
3. Use Humor to Disarm Her
Humor is one of the fastest ways to lower a woman’s defenses. When you make her laugh, you create a connection and show that you’re not just another guy trying to win her over.
Example:
If she looks skeptical when you approach, say something like, “Relax, I’m not here to sell you insurance. Unless, of course, you need it.” I gave more example in my eBook here
The Magic of Building Attraction
Here’s the ultimate secret: When a woman feels genuine attraction for you, her defenses don’t just lower—they disappear. Attraction is like a cheat code. It bypasses all the logical reasons she might have for shutting you out.
So, how do you build attraction?
- Be Playfully Challenging: Don’t agree with everything she says. If she claims she’s the best cook in town, tease her and say, “I don’t believe you. Prove it!”
- Be Confident: Stand tall, make eye contact, and speak with certainty. Confidence is magnetic.
- Show Value Without Bragging: Share interesting stories or talk about your passions in a way that shows you’re living a full, exciting life.
Final Thoughts: It’s Not About “Getting Lucky”
Meeting women isn’t a game of luck, and it’s not about talking to as many people as possible until someone bites. It’s about understanding what triggers attraction and what triggers defenses—and learning how to avoid the latter.
The next time you’re out, try this: Instead of focusing on impressing her, focus on enjoying the interaction. Be playful, confident, and indifferent to the outcome.
Want to learn more about how to master the art of attraction? Grab my eBook, “The Advanced Bang Rule,” and discover the strategies that will change your game forever.
📲 Click here thttps://getbanis.com/the-book/o get your copy now!
